Row the Boat

Thoughts on navigating rough waters

In 2011, then-Western Michigan University and current University of Minnesota football coach P.J. Fleck held his infant son for the last time as Colt Fleck passed from this world to the next due to a heart condition. I am a father of two boys and cannot imagine the grief that must have overtaken P.J., his wife, and family. I remember when my own sister died from a kidney disease in 2005 and how it absolutely destroyed my mom and stepdad. And though I hope it is not true, I would imagine that some of you have also endured such heartbreak. And for that I am truly sorry.

But as P.J., my parents, and you know, life goes on. But how? How do we push ahead?

Folks, I won’t lie to you. I am terrified. And when you are terrified it is easy to become paralyzed.

I say this because I think perhaps even more of you are in the same boat as me. And that brings me back to P.J. Fleck. After his son died, P.J. had to figure out how to move forward with his life. And that is when he created the mantra of Row the Boat. Fleck likes to say that when the seas get rough, people take their hands off the oars and then they get lost. You have to keep rowing:

“As you hold your son as he passes away, your whole life changes. What you believe in, how you’ve believed in it, what you’ve done to that point, where you’re going to go and how you’re going to live your life all changes. But Row the Boat is really my second son’s life as I continue to live his life for him. It’s his life.

“It’s a never-give-up mantra that has to do strictly with life or adversity or handling success, never giving up, and it means a few things. When you row a boat, you’re rowing, don’t ever look at me and paddle. That’s completely different. We’re rowing. Your back is to the future, which is something you cannot control, nor can you see. You have to trust the person in front of you, that you’re looking at, that they’re doing their job and rowing at the same speed, same efficiency as you are. But that’s the future, you can’t control that. You don’t know if there’s rocks, water falls, stormy seas, you don’t know what’s ahead of you. You’re rowing in the present, which is the only thing you can actually control, and the only thing you can actually have an impact on. You either choose to take your oars and put them back in the boat and stop, or you put them back in the water and continue to go. But you’re looking at the past, which is the only thing you can actually learn from. But you can’t change.

“There’s three parts to rowing a boat: there’s an oar, there’s a boat and there’s a compass. The oar is the energy you bring to your life, your family, your team, your spiritual life, your personal life, your social life. It’s the energy. Energy breathes love. If you love something, you’re going to put a lot of energy into it.

“The second part is the boat. The boat is the sacrifice. What are you going to give up for something that you never had. The more you sacrifice, the more you give. Our program is about two things: serving and giving. The more you give, the bigger the boat gets, the more people you can put in it and the sturdier the boat gets. You can go through any waterfall, any storms, you can fall off waterfalls, you can do a lot more when you have a sturdy boat. But there’s going to be people that want to put holes in that boat. There’s going to be people that want to throw you out of that boat eventually as a coach.

“Then last but not least, the compass, which is the most important part for our young people, and that’s who you surround yourself with. Your compass is the direction of where your boat is actually traveling. But your traveling in the direction of people that you’re actually surrounded by, and you’ve got to be OK with your circle getting smaller as your life goes on by the decisions you make.”

“So, again, it’s our version, it’s my son’s life, it’s my obligation as a parent from now on, to live his life through my life and to make sure that people are aware he couldn’t live his life for himself, so I have to live his through this never-give-up type attitude.”¹

I had not heard of Coach Fleck until I got to Minnesota to do my graduate work, where I focused my doctoral research on Indigenous and environmental history. I was again separated from my home, feeling a bit isolated as a 37-year-old divorced graduate student, and not at all sure of my direction in life. I remember though seeing Row the Boat and wondering what it was all about, finding solace in that idea, and trying to incorporate it into my daily conviction. ESPN did a phenomenal four minute story that I often rewatch and highly encourage you to do so now:

Here in Colorado, I’ve embraced Row the Boat. I am here, now. I cannot control the seas. But I can paddle like hell. I can help people while I am here. I can row the damn boat.

So welcome to Friday. No one knows what is going to happen. But find solace in the seas. Grab an oar.

Jason

1. Quoted from https://www.twincities.com/2017/01/06/what-does-row-the-boat-mean-gophers-football-coach-p-j-fleck-explains/