How to live with your ex-wife for a week without even trying

The Florida Adventures Part I

“So we’ve had a bit of a change of plans,” said Christine a week ago Thursday. “I’m not gonna be able to go on my work trip, which means I’ll be there when you are.” There, of course, meaning at her house.

“Alright. Well, we were together for seven years,” I responded. “We can probably do seven days.”

Lemme backtrack just a bit. To those of you new to this Substack, I’m a divorced father of two living in Colorado where I serve as a Tribal Liaison for the federal government in addition to being the Centennial State’s most eligible bachelor.¹ My two boys live in Florida with their mom and two French bulldogs. Living out here has been great but the challenge is always making sure I’m spending enough time with my dudes. So when Allegiant opened up a direct flight from St. Petersburg to Colorado Springs, I jumped at the chance.

Spoiler alert: you’re gonna need a lot of wine along with this totally appropriately-sized glass.

Initially the plan was to fly out there on a Monday and stay the week. The plan worked well because the boys’ mom is a compliance director for her work, so she could use the time to visit sites while I was on Dad duty. I’d stay in the guest room and ensure that the guys did fundamental things like eat and maybe bathe.² While they were at school, I’d use the opportunity to visit the Florida scrub, see some wildlife, and eat Cuban food. Maybe decompress from all the stuff I’m sure you’ve been reading about lately. It’s been…. a lot.

But Christine not leaving meant a couple things: 1) crap now I have to rent a car; and 2) that car ended up being a Hyundai Elantra.³ Also there would be another adult in the house, bringing the total number of adults in the house that week to one.

And let’s go ahead and get this out of the way: no. Absolutely not. Christine and I are terrific friends but nope. Never again. Had our time. Really thankful to have a great friend like her but essentially what we are is business partners in raising two amazing dudes.

Side benefit was spending time with the boys’ two dogs, Violet (grey) and Piglet (pirate-eyed)

So lemme see if I can give you a brief recap here with some flashes towards parts of the trip that I’ll share with more detail later. I got in late Monday night and I didn’t wanna wake anyone so I didn’t actually see anyone til Tuesday morning, when I was so tired from the trip that I almost overslept my first day of school drop offs with the boys. Rally, Dr. Herbert. Chris was good enough to show me the ropes while we dropped off the boys together and then brought me to my first Cuban food of the trip so I could get my favorite breakfast: Cuban coffee with Cuban toast. Super simple food.

Any place that looks like this demands you visit.

So what do you do when your plans meaning cohabitating with your ex-wife for a week? Well, you do what any man would do: you run away. Ok, maybe not run away, but part of the allure of the trip was a chance to catch a breather in one of the places I truly love. So I made day trips to places like Tarpon Springs (home of America’s most Greek community) and Ybor City (the coolest town you’ve never heard of) and then picked up the fellas, helping with homework, and cooking dinner.

Ben and I visiting the monument to Jose Marti, who was the apostle of Cuban independence movements in the late 1800s.

And for me, this was a golden opportunity to model grace for my two boys. I want them to see that their parents are actual friends, legitimately care about each other, and most of all, think that their kids hung the moon. So getting to hang out with their mom in front of them was a ideal way to model the behavior towards her (and other women) that I want them to see. So it was delight to cook dinner for everyone while I was there (Christine actually shot most of the cooking videos that I posted on social media because I asked).

Working through some bucatini all’amatriciana. This sauce had a while to go still but I always love the coloring of it.

And it also gave us the opportunity to have the hard conversations that aren’t made easy by facetime or the phone: how are our fellas doing in school? Are they maturing? Where are they struggling? And I’m being serious here- what happens if things get really bad in this country? Is there a backup plan?⁴

We also talked about relationships we’ve had over the last few years. She’s dating a new dude and is hopeful. I’m hopeful for her too. For my part, I would share of the amazing Tribal Members I get a chance to work with. I got to talk about Ute and Comanche and Kiowa and Cheyenne and Arapaho cultures.

But Jason- you guys are divorced. Isn’t there hostility or bitterness from years gone by? Surely not everything was great or you wouldn’t have split.

That was ten years ago. And yeah, it was tense for the first few years. And I’m sure there’s some of that stuff. But you know what? It doesn’t serve either of you and it damn sure doesn’t serve the kids. So you gotta find a way to cut that shit loose. I like to think we have. We still disagree from time to time. That’s ok. Shit. That’s healthy. But no, I don’t think that other stuff really ever raises its head.

Here’s another thing: on Thursday I went to Walt Disney World. Myself. And mostly because Christine saw all the stuff going on with federal workers and how I was wearing it on my face and she flat out told me to go. “Take the entire day. It’s your favorite place on the planet. GO.” So I did. And I needed it. More on that trip coming soon.

The way my body physically destresses when I see this sign.

SIDENOTE: there’s also a real benefits to being friends with one of the people who know your best in this world. Aside from my best friend, Kristalyn, there’s probably no one who understands how my head works better than Christine. And both of these women (plus a few other friends) told me to go. And right now in that feels like the whole world is collapsing around us. It helps to have other people who support you give you their thoughts.

I like to think that I had some benefit for their mom. I essentially did what I planned to do and she just happened to be there. But I could be an ear as well. And I hope that me being there was a good thing too.

On Saturday we took Benjamin to the Homosassa River, which has a bunch of manatees and other Florida wildlife, including the largest hippo in the western hemisphere. I’m hoping that Ben will remember that trip fondly. And it was Christine who cooked this really terrific apricot roasted pork shoulder on Sunday so I could run HATM.

Before you knew it, it was time get back on a plane and I made the four hour flight back to Colorado today. I share this with you not to convince you that I’m some sort of Renaissance Man. But I do think that this turned out to be a good trip, of which there are more detailed posts coming. And for that I’m glad.

My boys are happy and safe. All I need.

More coming soon.

Jason

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1. Ok, I made that part up. Colorado bachelors all have single-syllable names like Chad, Troy, and Chadd with two d’s.

2. People with teenage boys know.

3. Korean for “this will destroy your back”

4. It turns out that a lot of families that I know are having this exact conversation right now.